Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
