So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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