i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
