just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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