somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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