I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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