why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
