my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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