"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
