From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
