Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
