That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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