I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
