At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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