You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ttyl tear gas
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
