Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
