Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
vagina is talking i cant
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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