Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
