All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
