he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
