I will die if light touches me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
