Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
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i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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