I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
