I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
