Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
