I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
