would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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