We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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