please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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