I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize