Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
