i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
a search helicopter?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
