I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
