my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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