Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
