Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
