She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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