Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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