Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
