dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
