Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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