It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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