Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
