Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My feet surprised me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
