bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
