a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You just made me feel so damn special
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
