I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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