Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
