She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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