I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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