I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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