You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
