so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
