Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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