My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
