cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
