Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
