im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
