Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
