I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
