where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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