I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
