It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
