i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
