This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
