Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
