Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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