He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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