accomplished twins. life is a go
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
