Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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