i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
