Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
