she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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