I cannot find my penis.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
