She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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