She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
